I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
