my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
