Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
