he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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