Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
