What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
