I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
