he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
