He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
