I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
