After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize