That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
