I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
