i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I puked a lego.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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