JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
