You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
