apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
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i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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