I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
