Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
