i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
