I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
