Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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