I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
