What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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