just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
