YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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