I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
