I wish I only lived at night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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