Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
