her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
