you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
