You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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