I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
