then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
