he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
