I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
