so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
