She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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