Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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