So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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