he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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