I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Im part way to drunk.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
