I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize