Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
