I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
