Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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