Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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