I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
