We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
