So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
