Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm like, not good at living.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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