Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
