..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
