I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
