Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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