I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
