Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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