I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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