she was so not down for the gang bang
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
