i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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