I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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