You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
